Say hi to your mother for me

Walking In Memphis - Marc Cohn

I've decided it makes more sense for me to put my Song of the Post at the beginning so you can hit play and the music can add to your experience.

Midnight Meat Train has been out for five days now, and I have yet to experience its glory. I tried to rent it tonight, but apparently it's not available through Redbox or Blockbuster! We watched Max Payne instead, which was predictably rough. It's was a nice paycheck for my namesake though, so I felt a connection to it. Not his worst performance ever (I don't think anything can top "The Happening"), but still rough enough to make me cringe when anyone makes the connection.

Speaking of, I was thinking about it today, and when I write my screenplay and the film gets made, I think I should write it under an alias so as to avoid confusion. Any and all suggestions will be considered and are appreciated.

I'm off to Memphis tomorrow with Jon and Matt to pick up the bed Matt is getting from Tracy's parents for his wedding. And a trip to Memphis must always include GREAT barbecue! I think we're going to try and get into Rendezvous for lunch; not necessarily the best barbecue I've ever had, but certainly the best dry-rub.

I had the pleasure of starting a bit of a frenzy on the internet earlier this week. Well, frenzy might be overstating it, but I made an impression anyway. Ricky Braddy, who graduated in my class at Belmont, was/is in the top 36 on American Idol, and a bunch of his friends started thebraddybunch.com to help get him some exposure, as he wasn't heard on screen until his semi-final performance Tuesday night. Long story short, the production company got upset that Ricky's mom gave a shout out to the site on air and forced them to take it down. They decided to hook up with another website, but wanted to make it an adventure to get there, so they had me write a riddle to get people on the right trail. See if you can figure out what this riddle means:

A rose by any other name would still smell of spring
But a floribunda just doesn’t have the same ring
You won’t find Ricky in a triangle or box
But perhaps a floribunda for Curry’s Paradox

If you get stuck, go to www.thebraddybunch.com and follow the trail. Anyway, the people on joesplaceblog.com started digging WAY too into it, and making these deep philosophical assumptions about what the riddle REALLY means. So hilarious! Once you figure out what the riddle says, or once you give up, or if you really don't care to try and figure it out, check out the comments here: A riddle from the Braddy Bunch Ricky Braddy fansite

I'm probably losing a couple jewels in my crown for this...

I know it's wrong to laugh at this, but we got a piece of junk mail yesterday for a former occupant that had this tagline across the front:

"You can help feed an elderly Jewish person for just $2.40!"

It's from the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews, and while I'm always in support of helping the less fortunate, it just caught me off guard. That, and there's a testimonial from Pat Robertson on the back of the envelope. Not really your best selling point, Rabbi Eckstein.

This also may be one of the most expensive sponsorship programs I've ever seen. If I check "Yes! Rabbi Eckstein, I want to help save poor elderly Soviet Jews this winter by providing food baskets and other essentials through Isaiah 58," I can sponsor one person for one week for $17. $17! That's over $70 a month! And when did the Soviet Union reunite? Ooo, I just found a recommendation from Pat Boone too! Score!

But, again, $2.40 a day? I think I could feed myself on $2.40 a day if I really tried, and I don't have near the resources and connections the Rabbi claims to hold. Eh? It reminds of that Rebecca St. James song that I hate (that could describe a lot, I'll try to get more specific) with the homeless guy who can eat on $1.50 a week. That is the opposite extreme of this; if you're not eating for free from a shelter or something, I really don't see how you can feed yourself on $78 a year in the US. Just not possible.

And now, for something completely different:

You're Not Gonna Leave Me Here...

The life and times of Cloris Leachman

It's amazing how time flies.

This time last year I was beginning my hunt for a home. After 6 offers on 5 houses that all fell apart for different reasons, I was starting to get discouraged. Then, one April day, I went driving around with my agent and my roommate Tim. We looked at probably 10 houses that Saturday, with varying degrees of success. Just after noon we decided to look at a house that we knew little about on the north side of East Nashville. As we pulled down the street, we passed a large woman on foot carrying a queen-sized, well-worn mattress on her back. That's odd, I thought, but we kept driving and found the house that I would go on to officially purchase a month later.

But this is not the story of my house. No, this is the story of the mattress woman, who I will call Cloris Leachman because I can't remember her actual name and she has the leathery skin of the real Ms. Leachman. Mostly, just picture a slightly darker version of Charo.

Turns out, Cloris owns the house next to mine. After a handful of random encounters with this woman over the last 6 months, I have learned the following about her life:

Cloris was born in 1940, and immigrated from Puerto Rico at a young age. In the early 1970s, she toured as a backup singer and dancer for Dean Martin on three world tours, including stops across North America and Europe. After three years of employment, it was revealed she had undergone a sex change and was promptly fired for what they considered fraud.

I'm not sure exactly what happened over the next thirty years, but I know that she married a man at some point. He currently weighs over 600 pounds, and is confined to a wheel-chair from the combination of a back injury suffered in a swimming accident and his obesity.

Seven years ago Cloris and her husband bought their current residence. She walks to the grocery store several times a week to keep her blood pressure down. She collects "antiques" in her back yard, and plans on opening it as a store to the public early this summer. Rather than try and plant real grass in her yard, she has decided to take drastic measures. Her front yard is covered in bushes, lawn ornaments, and a stagnant pond. She has spread rugs and doors across her back yard in an effort to kill all plant life and create a walkway for her "store", including across the "mushy" part where they filled in the pool her husband hurt himself in.

Cloris knows all the gossip in the neighborhood, as she spends the majority of her warm-weather days in her yard and the majority of her cold-weather days looking out her front window. She has informed me of several interesting facts:

- The tree in my front yard was once lit on fire by the neighborhood kids on Halloween because the people who were renting the house at the time didn't have any candy.

-The house five down and across the street was once used as a crack house. The owners subsequently burned it down to collect the insurance money. (I found this out when the re-built house burned down AGAIN last Saturday morning...)

And, I think she still thinks Tim and I are gay, despite several attempts to tell her otherwise. She says its ok, she doesn't care because she used to be a guy.

Oh Cloris, you are just one of the things that make life on Edith Ave so interesting!

In her honor, I give you:

Dude (Looks Like A Lady) - Aer...

Textiles, nature, and overdue Meat

I enjoy the following things involving fabric:

1. Broken-in jeans. I'll get this out of the way, because who doesn't?
2. The dichotomy that new towels are super-soft but suck at absorbing water, and that it is only through getting them dirty and washing them that they learn to absorb better.
3. Wrinkle-free shirts that actually are wrinkle-free.
4. Over-sized blankets, preferably micro-plush. I'm tempted to get new blankets for my bed that are for a king bed so I can roll up into a cocoon on cold winter nights.
5. Anything that could be considered both a jacket and a zip-up sweatshirt. There are certainly items that fit in one or the other, but finding the right cross between the two is magical.

One thing I don't like about each element of nature:

Wind: It's penetrative nature.
Earth: That I have to mow my lawn. Well, at this point, I have to get my lawn mower fixed, pick up the leaves in my yard, then mow.
Fire: That, when fueled by natural gas, it's so expensive. So fricking expensive.
Water: It's penetrative nature.

So, what have we learned form this? I enjoy things that are soft, and I'm not a fan of penetrative natures in nature.

Listen to this song; they're a local band with a new album coming out like next week, and I'm a huge fan of their stuff:

You Got Me Down - Lórien

And, finally, this movie comes out on Tuesday and I will Redbox-ing it asap:

Go Ahead

I stole this from Jen; I've never done one of these, and I decided this one seemed like fun.

1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. The name of the song is your answer!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
[Untitled] - John Mayer

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Spotlight - Mute Math

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Needful Hands - Jars of Clay

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Try Again - Keane

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Glory Hallelujah - The OC Supertones

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Your Love Never Changes - Paul Wright

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Throwing Chairs - Switchfoot

WHAT IS 2+2?
Daemon - BHS a Capella Choir

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Get Back - The Beatles

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
On My Way - Grits

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I Fall - Something Like Silas

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Heaven Forbid - The Fray

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Making it Beautiful - All-Star United

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
O Holy Night - Seven Day Jesus

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Nothin' to Do With Love - The Elms

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Hallelujah - Paramore

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Thumpin' - Prime Minister (didn't even know I had this song...)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Pressing On - Relient K

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Made to Love - Toby Mac

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Girl From the North Country - Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Over the Mountains - Eisley

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Dancing in the Streets - Mamas and the Papas

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Denim Iniquity - Brandtson

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
7:02 - Jeremy Messersmith

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
A Christmas to Remember - Amy Grant

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Lost! - Coldplay

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Our Mystery - Bebo Norman

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Agony - The Into the Woods Soundtrack

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Gnik Nus - The Beatles (reversed a cappella version of "Sun King")

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Go Ahead - Alicia Keys


I really don't think I got good answers on this. I even cheated on some of them and it still came out lame. I was reminded how much Christian music I own from the early part of the decade though, so I guess it was successful. Anyway, check out a couple new songs that I'm in love with:

When She's Near - Fiction Fami...

Spotlight - MuteMath